Pink is the natural color of love

WHAT is wonderful about the second collection of Gerardo Z. Torres’s short stories is that it proudly celebrates male homosexual love as a normal thing, in all its naturalness. For this reason alone, Kulay Rosas ang Pintig ng Puso (Pink is the Color of a Heartbeat, C and E Publishing, Inc. and De La Salle University-Manila, 2009, 74 pages) is a must read for people who are in love or who long to fall in love, whether one is gay or straight. The book is made up of 16 very short stories. One story, “Sayang" (What a Shame), is only one paragraph long. The narrator is lamenting his solitary state on his last night in Shanghai; he had not yet met someone for a one-night stand or a possible lover with whom he could talk about chummy things like “forever." In the middle of his musings, two handsome Chinese men approach him and offer a massage, clearly a front for prostitution. He declines the offer: first, he is quite full after having dinner in a traditional Chinese restaurant, and second, he is afraid that the two men might rob him. The narrator says, “Nakakapanghinayang, pero mabuti na ring maingat ako. Baka may mahagip din ako pagdating sa Beijing o Hong Kong." (Such a waste, but it is better for me to be cautious. Anyway, I might meet someone when I get to Beijing or Hong Kong.) The story ends there but the echo of the pink loneliness reverberates in the heart of the reader long after the sad death of the sigh of the last word. The narrator is not only looking for sex. He is definitely looking for love in the landscape of repressed China, which makes this story sadder. Torres is a good and cruel storyteller. He has a way of breaking the reader’s heart along with the heart of his characters. In the story “Isang Linggong Pag-ibig" (Weeklong Love Affair) the narrator is directly talking to the addressee. The story has seven parts with subtitles of the seven days of the week, starting with Monday. As with all love affairs, their story started on the right note. Monday, they meet through Friendster. Tuesday, the addressee answers the message of the narrator. Wednesday, they spend a lot of time talking on the phone, mainly about Madonna whom they both adore. Thursday, more talking on the phone, with the narrator discovering that the addressee has a tendency to use his friends for material gains. Friday, they meet in Makati. The addressee is handsome, “mukhang artista" (looks like a movie actor), but is jobless. The narrator pays for everything during their date. Holding hands, they watch a Sharon Cuneta movie. They part ways without having sex, something that frustrates the narrator. Saturday, the addressee calls the narrator to borrow money. This turns off the narrator. Sunday, the narrator decides to stop receiving the calls of the addressee. The narrator is very much attracted to the addressee, but he does not want to become a milking cow: “Hinding-hindi ko mapapayagan ang sarili kong magpagamit sa iyo. Hindi ikaw ang tipo ng lalaking dapat seryosohin. Marami pang darating sa buhay ko at alam kong matatagpuan ko rin ang nararapat para sa akin." (I will never allow myself to be used by you. You are not the type of man that I should take seriously. There will be others who will come into my life and I know that someday I will find the right man for me.) When one is mature enough like this narrator, it is easy, or at least possible, to kill the tempting but poisonous vines of love, which is really a sad ritual. In another story, “Multong Bakla" (Queer Phantom), the narrator is talking about his lover Vladimir who comes into his life like a phantom and leaves him in the same manner, quietly and without warning, without noise. They meet through the website Downelink and decide to meet each other in the flesh. They become lovers, but Vladimir is too busy with his thankless job as a production assistant in a television network. What I like about his particular story is that it is a subversion of the homophobic pop song “Multong Bakla." Indeed there are gays that behave like phantoms, such as Vladimir who cannot commit to a love affair. But Vladimir is not like that because he is a homosexual; he is like that because as a person he is really like that—one who does not have the moral courage to commit to a lover. It seems that the characters of Torres’s stories are looking for love in the wrong places—the Internet, the public swimming pool, and darkened street alleys. That is why they always end up with broken hearts. The thing is, when you are gay in a society that predominantly considers homosexuality as an aberration and sinful, looking for love in the “right" places like the church during Bible study sessions, Junior-Senior Proms, civic clubs activities, heterosexual wedding receptions, and the like, is almost impossible if not downright ridiculous. Our homophobic society drives gays to look for love in the dark and dangerous alleys of the highways of love and lust. Just like anyone else, it is natural and normal for gays to love and desire to be loved in return. Perhaps for every pink heart that is broken, a thorn of guilt should be pricked to society’s conscience. For every gay who dies because of love, society should be tried for murder. In the end, the contribution of this book of gay love stories is to insist on the existence of a gay sector in Philippine society. Gay existence has been a victim for a long time, constantly in danger of erasure by the bigoted heterosexual and patriarchal society. By publishing books such as this, the gay community is proudly announcing their valid existence, just as valid as the existence of straight people. In this beautiful book, gays are portrayed as capable of loving gently and fiercely. They are also shown as normal people who are capable of hurting their loved ones, or of betraying people who unwittingly fall for their scheming, selfish projections and bad intentions. There are gay lovers who are good and bad. Yes, just like other (in)human beings. Gays are also normal. Brave gay writers like Gerardo Z. Torres are needed in order to underscore this fact. – YA, GMANews.TV