A wedding in Saigon

After three years in the country, I am no longer a stranger to weddings in Vietnam. But it is still both a fascinating and wonderful experience to attend one – especially when you’ve been invited to be the maid of honor at the wedding! It all started when my good friend and colleague Chi invited me as one of the principal sponsors at her wedding in Saigon. Chi, who hails from the capital city of Hanoi, was marrying her long-time boyfriend who was born in Saigon. Long-time foreign residents and most Vietnamese know that having a northerner, as they call the people from Hanoi or anyone from the north of Vietnam, marry someone from the south, like someone from Saigon, is like having heaven and earth change places. After all, it was not too long ago when refugees from south Vietnam fled to countries like the Philippines to escape the soldiers of the communist north. Well, it’s no longer as chaotic these days. Vietnam in the 21st century is a different country after the “doi moi" or “open economy policy" was instituted in 1994. My lovely couple is the epitome of the new Vietnam – young, focused on their careers, gung-ho, and educated overseas but still cognizant of the traditional culture and ways of their parents. Like any couple representing the union of north and south Vietnamese, there was a wedding held in Hanoi for the benefit of the bride’s parents, relatives and friends, and another one in Saigon for the groom’s kith and kin as well. Weddings can be very expensive ceremonies in Vietnam. The couple needs to have enough resources to foot the bill of the traditional ceremony, family and friends’ reception, wedding gowns (one for the traditional ceremony and another modern dress for the reception), banquet, and sometimes, even the cost of flying in family and relatives from various locations for the banquet. Pamanhikan, Vietnam-style Our lovely wedding tradition starts off a few weeks before the wedding, with the customary trip to the bride’s parents by the groom and his parents. In this ceremony, which is similar to the Filipinos’ “pamanhikan" tradition, the groom dresses up formally in a black Western-style suit. He is accompanied by a long line of nattily dressed young men and blushing ladies in aoi dais (long, silk national dress of women in Vietnam) bearing gifts wrapped in festive and auspicious red and gold paper. These are usually boxes of candies, fruits, sticky rice cakes, and sometimes, a roasted goose or two. Walking in front of the entourage is the groom – all the way to the bride’s house. But sometimes, the entourage boards a van specially chartered for the occasion as the bride’s house might just be too far away — and too hot for the groom to make his traditional walk. Meanwhile, the bride and her parents wait for the groom to arrive. When the entourage reaches the bride’s house, the two families meet and discuss the union and the upcoming wedding ceremony. These days, a photographer records every bit of the proceedings. Wedding day My colleague Chi’s wedding day in Saigon started off at 6 am. Her favorite make-up artist – a petite and sharp girl we usually engage in most of our special events – arrived and immediately opened bottles and pulled out brushes to add a soft and romantic glow to our excited and radiant bride. I arrived at 7 am just in time to see both Chi’s aunties and female cousins having their faces made up too. They were all wearing aoi dais – to my wonder and dismay. It seems someone forgot to tell me that I was supposed to wear one too! Well, too late to go to the nearest tailoring shop. I was amazed to find out that one auntie’s dazzling lavender aoi dai with scintillating silver sequins was bought off-the-rack at Ben Thanh Market, which is popular with tourists, for only US$20! At any rate, my blouse and pantsuit ensemble was colorful and cheery enough to grace the proceedings. The bride was blushing and all smiles in a pink and gold double aoi dai (it had a jacket made of similar material but with embroidery over the aoi dai dress underneath). It was getting to be exciting indeed! Everyone trooped down to await the arrival of the groom – in a limousine which fully blocked the narrow alley in front of the bride’s house. The groom, in a dark Western-style suit and pomaded hair, was expected to pick up the bride and bring her to his parents' house, about seven kilometers away, in an upscale part of town. It is customary for the bride to live in the groom’s family house, with the in-laws, during the first year of marriage – definitely a no-no to many modern Filipino families now, although my mother also had to do the same thing when she was married half a century ago. But on the day of the wedding, there we were at the bride’s house, which will eventually be occupied by the couple. The parents and relatives of the couple meet and sit down to talk things over – just for show to the guests. Later, we boarded the little minivans which were specially chartered for the guests and off we went to the groom’s home. Little white house A good thirty minutes away, our little entourage arrived at a handsome three-storey whitewashed house encircled by trees in an up-market neighborhood of Saigon. As is the custom, our happy couple alighted from the limousine and had their picture taken in front of the house while the guests admired the house from afar. Thereafter, the guests trooped inside the house, with the bride and groom greeting them at the entrance. We sat down at tables specially set up in the living room in the heat of mid-day, and the catering team served the feast. First came the peanuts and little dumplings, then the shredded beef with vegetables. A host of other dishes came including boiled fish marinated in ginger – fish represents good luck in Vietnamese culture – and rice with shredded meat. And then the proprieties! The bride moved around the tables with a large pot and poured tea into teacups for some guests. It is a symbolic gesture of domesticity, and of how the bride will eventually serve not only her husband but her husband’s family as well. This is probably unthinkable to many, and would make modern-day Filipinas cringe. When the feast was finally over, our bride and groom assumed their places again at the door to see off the guests as they are conveniently shuttled into the minivans back into town. As for me, I began my sojourn to find an appropriate outfit for the Western-style reception later in the day. Buddhist blessing But wait, where’s the ceremony, you ask? A modern wedding in Vietnam can be as complicated or as simple as getting hitched in Las Vegas. Some weddings will include a visit to a Buddhist temple, with the bridal couple bearing gifts to the chief monk who will bless the couple for a long and happy life together. In the case of my friend Chi, a gathering for the immediate family members and close friends at the groom's ancestral home, and a reception at a hotel for the other relatives and friends served as the wedding ceremony itself. As maid of honor, who is supposed to be a single girl assisting the bride, my role was to bring the guests to their proper places during the reception. The reception Imagine alighting from your taxi in front of one of the most romantic Old World hotels anywhere – the Continental on Dong Khoi street in central Saigon. Painted white with colonial windows in front, it is so spectacularly Old World that it was used as a setting for a cult movie, The Quiet American starring Sir Michael Caine and Brendan Fraser. In fact, I would have taken a cup of tea and some scones while sitting in a rattan chair and reading a newspaper in front of The Continental, as Michael Caine and Brendan Fraser did in the movie. But there would be more opportunities to reminisce about Old Saigon later. I proceeded to the hotel’s courtyard, just past the entrance’s glass doors overlooking another imposing colonial structure, the Saigon Opera House. At the courtyard, the smiling bride was in a romantic, white lace number – designed by our local couturier friend – making her look like a princess, while the groom was spiffily dressed in a black suit, again with pomaded hair. The guests came in and had the customary picture with the couple underneath an arc of flowers near the entrance. It took some time before the guests arrived (it seems to be the custom in Saigon to be a half-hour late or more for a function). Underneath the blue and white fairy lights hanging from the gnarled old trees in the courtyard, there were circular tables with red flower centerpieces. Once everyone was seated and enthusiastic greetings given left to right among the guests who seemed to be familiar with each other, a gaggle of girls wearing white dresses with flowers in their hair started dancing what looked liked an old English country dance (similar to the 2005 Pride and Prejudice movie) along with their male partners, who were dressed in white as well. Our bridal couple, all smiles, mounted the stage and a toast was made to the couple and the guests. Amid the cutting of the cake and the happy couple doing the rounds of greeting the guests in each table – with a photographer and videographer recording the proceedings – I wondered whether this ceremony is a seamless harmony between the old and the new generations of Vietnam. It seems, with the smiles of the guests and the happiness on the faces of the bride and groom, it certainly must be. - YA, GMANews.TV RELATED STORY A shopping extravaganza in Saigon From fabulous dresses, chic accessories and designer leather shoes, Saigon tickles your shopaholic fancy and makes you go on a shopping spree.