Filtered By: Pinoyabroad
Pinoy Abroad

Same sex marriage gives Pinoy mixed feelings on migration


(First of three parts) I am a consort in waiting, waiting to be petitioned by my fiancé to Australia, a country open to marriage of both males. This is our story. Our engagement is a very long one: I said yes in 2009. Marriage proposals are usually followed by the marriage itself a year or within a year after engagement. I know mine will take longer. I have just started researching on how I would be able to join my fiancé in Australia. And from what I gathered, it would take a while before I get there. I would have to get a visa, apply for citizenship, establish residence, and the like. I’m taking a risk for a marriage that we cannot have here in the Philippines. No, I am not married to anyone. Neither is my fiancé. It’s just that marriage for us is not permitted in this country. The only legal impediment is that I am male and I am currently in a four-year relationship and engaged to be married with the same sex. Call me Jake and let me call my fiancé Nick. Nick proposed to me last year when he introduced the idea of going to Australia. We were in our third year of relationship when he said: “I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I want us to move to another country." Nick’s proposal is to make our union legal and live with him in Australia where civil union is permitted. That would mean I would have to migrate permanently and leave everything, especially my mother and my sister. I still have a father but I never bothered to find him ever since he left us for another woman. To go or not to go Working overseas, nor living abroad, was never in my plan. I managed to make a living by working from call center to call center since leaving my studies three semesters before I was supposed to graduate. I was 20 then when my father left us for his second family. I remember handing one of my professors a paper stating my leave of absence. Only my close friends in the class knew the real story behind my departure from school. I took a leave and haven’t gone back since. I had to work. I always had to work. I could not just leave my family. Minus the father, I am the only breadwinner. A huge part of my income goes to household expenses and my sister’s studies. I recently transferred my mother at an apartment I rented for her in Las Piñas where she would at least be closer to her friends. My sister, who has been consistently at the top of her class since elementary, eventually got a college scholarship at a top university and spends her school years in a dormitory inside her university. I, on the other hand, am based in Makati City, working at a call center and sharing an apartment with housemates. Nick’s offer Nick is 35 years old while I am 26; that is a nine-year age gap. Nick has always wanted to live and work abroad. He does not want to grow old in the Philippines; he wants to retire in Australia. So even before he finished his contract working in Singapore, he applied for work in Australia, got the job and was immediately given a working visa (Visa 457). He came back here in September, a week before my birthday. He left for Australia two weeks after. I met Nick at a time when I was convinced that my relationship with a man is jinxed to end once it reaches a maximum of two years. I have had several boyfriends before him but Nick and with Nick’s is the oldest. I really wanted a relationship that would and could last. Like anybody, I want to be happy. If you experienced what I have with other partners before, you would understand my suspicion there’s an unseen hand that makes me go through a cycle of hurt. Sometimes it really gets so painful in the end that it becomes so difficult to recover. Thus, I tend to just play around heartbreak after heartbreak. This I especially do when my heart’s not the only one broken. To help you understand, let me tell you about this boy. Broken I left home for two years while still studying college. I never told my family I was living with this guy. In the last six months of our two years being together, he would always get jealous. Whenever that happens, he beats me up. One time, he slammed my head against the wall. I went to class the next day sporting a big bump on my left temple. I don’t know why he did it. I think he didn’t trust me. No, I did not cheat on him; I can’t. But when I felt I wasn’t really happy, I managed to get out of the relationship. I also thought two years were enough. But it wasn’t easy because, and I think this goes for all types of relationship, when you are used to be with that person for a long time, that person is already a part of you. And leaving that person meant leaving a part of yourself behind. I didn’t just spend time with him; I invested and shared a lot of my life, myself with him. Then another guy came and I felt relieved. I’m not really sure but there was something in him that was reassuring, that he’s going to be different. Generally, he is a nice person, he is kind. That’s it. But after two years, it also did not work out. And then Nick came in 2006 just as I got out of the previous relationship. Nick We “met" surreptitiously: online in a social networking site. Somebody I don’t know was viewing a profile on me on that Internet site. Since I like how he looked, I thanked him and politely asked how he was able to access my profile. I only ask that to people I’m interested in. “I don’t know. I was just clicking through profiles," he replied. He seemed straight. He looks Chinese. He doesn’t look like he goes for the same sex. But when he replied, I knew it. He didn’t freak out. Because if you’re a straight guy and you are viewing a profile of a straight guy, he might as well be your friend or an office mate. We’re not office mates but it turned out we were working in the same building in Makati. We talked constantly. We dated. We decided we wanted to be together. It wasn’t different with those in heterosexual relationships except for the parties involved. The process itself is pretty much the same. [Part 2: A marriage proposal] - OFW Journalism Consortium
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