Same sex marriage brings Pinoy new hope of migration (2)

Last of two parts. [Editor’s Note: While this concludes our story of ‘Jake’ and his journey with ‘Nick’ that he hopes would end in a same sex marriage in Australia, theirs would continue. And while anonymity protects their identities, their story is nonetheless as fictitious as fish breathing in water.] I am giddy. While filling out a 20-page Form 47SP: “Application for Migration to Australia by a Partner," natutuwa ako na kinakabahan na hindi ko maintindihan. I can’t explain how I feel. I couldn’t help but reminisce moments as I got to “Part G: Relationship Details," when it asked when and where we met. “How long after you met did you and your fiancé begin a relationship? When did you and your partner made a decision that you both wanted to commit to a long-term spouse or interdependent relationship?" the form asked. I couldn’t help but recall the circumstances that led us to legalize a relationship that we know is frowned upon in my country but allowed in Australia: same-sex marriage. Social network It was December 23, 2006, when Jake and I first met face-to-face. Prior to that, we just used an online social networking site to get to know each other. I was rebuilding my personal profile on the site when I saw he viewed it. That time I wasn’t sure if we have the same sexual preference. He seemed straight. He looks Chinese and he doesn’t look like he goes for the same sex. I sent a message thanking him for viewing my profile and asked how he was able to access it. “I don’t know. I was just clicking through profiles," he replied. Right there and then I knew he’s gay, because if you are a straight guy and you are viewing a profile of a straight guy, he might as well be your friend or an officemate. If he’s straight, he won’t bother replying to my message or freak out. But we’re not officemates and he replied to my message. It would turn out that at that time we were working in the same building in Makati City. Soon, we were constantly talking online until we went on a date two days before Christmas five years ago, a date we consider as our anniversary. Two years later, we decided to live together. I think this process is not unique to heterosexual relationships, the only difference being that ours involve persons of the same gender. Some don’t go through courtship stage; the same in some homosexual relationships. Many attempt to make the relationship as ideal as possible, especially during the early part; the same even in a heterosexual relationship. Some relationships involve the perseverance of the other; the same among homosexuals like us. In my case, it was Nick who constantly assured me my worries about our relationship ending by the second year has no basis. It would be different this time, he continued to say. In our four years together, it was Nick who kept the fire burning in our relationship. And while I secretly hoped we would be more than lovers, it was Nick who spoke of engagement and marriage; concepts that I considered far-fetched. Civil union Nick got the idea of migrating to Australia from his Filipino gay friends who have migrated, found partners and had civil unions there. `He sees Australia as a place where we can be free since he’s a full-blood Chinese and his family is unaware of his gender preference. Currently, he is working in Sydney. He most recently got his Visa 175 processed that he now holds permanent citizenship. While some say permanent citizenship in Australia usually takes one to three years for approval, Nick got his hastened when his employer acted as his sponsor. Nick said I would need a de facto visa, a same-sex visa type, where I would need a guarantor to prove that he and I are in a relationship and it has been going on for more than a year. We would need to provide proof such as photographs of us together and letters of testimony from friends and family. I am aware there are institutions or groups that perform “same-sex marriages" here in the Philippines. But most of these are just ceremonial. We want a legal one. I want to write “M" in documents that ask for my civil status and neither be questioned for doing so nor treated with less respect. Though gay marriages here may be ceremonial, I don’t think there is lack of seriousness to it. It depends on the person, the couple, if they’re going to take their vows seriously or not, and whether they are in a heterosexual or homosexual relationship. I don’t take it against our society, our laws that prohibit same-sex marriages. If we can’t legally get married here, we can do it somewhere else. For me, even marriage is not a guarantee for the couple to stay together forever. Like straight couples, gay relations also sometimes end in separation. Gender preference, for me, has never been the basis for being together. Magsasama ba kayo dahil pareho kayong lalaki o dahil babae at lalaki kayo? New hope Nick just signed a 15-page Form 40SP or “Sponsorship for a Partner to Migrate to Australia". In a few hours, he will fly back to Australia after a two-week stay for the holidays. This was the only time we took care of the papers since he got back here. We had to make up for the lost time: we went to places, we dated, and we shopped. At first I was unsure of our plans, but now that we have just filled up forms together for the petition and the application, I am really excited. I’ll be the one to submit to the immigration the documents including testimonies confirming our relationship. The visa that applies to me is partner visa. I learned there are two kinds of visas: one for intended marriage and one for de facto relationships. The latter is generally for a male and female who expressed intentions of marriage. The former is for those in a live-in relationship, which is applicable to those of the same sex. Leaving my country was far from my mind. I could just spend the rest of my life here. But Nick is there and I’m going to follow him. I would leave the country for love and marriage. I am happy with my decision and I feel that I’m going to stick to it. I can’t say what else could possibly happen. Circumstances might alter things but I’m hoping things will work out just as we planned. When already settled in Australia, we plan to buy a house and get a dog. We’re not thinking of kids at the moment. Nick told me that I could finish my studies there and I’m going to take a new course. I won’t be finishing the studies I left years ago. It’s not my passion anymore. I know it is just a year away for a degree but I won’t be able to use that if I’m not enjoying what I’m going to be. I enjoy cooking. I plan to take up culinary arts, work in a restaurant as assistant chef, then takeover the chef! I don’t think I would end up in another call center job there but it will always be an option. Marriage would not matter for me as long as we are together and we can be together without having to be discreet or mum about our relationship –where we won’t be condemned and where we will feel understood and recognized. Nonetheless, everything will be fresh and new: new country, new life, new career, and new civil status. I am giddy. - OFW Journalism Consortium